Don't Lean on Me Episode 7

In this episode, Claire takes us into her third-grade era—where the days were structured, the lunches were questionable, and the life lessons… came from unexpected places.

From listening to violin practice tapes (whether she wanted to or not) to navigating the social dynamics of school lunch and what it meant to “fit in,” this chapter of childhood is equal parts ordinary and oddly formative.

And then—because this is Claire Bare—we take a slight turn into a field trip with her dad that lands somewhere you wouldn’t typically find on a third-grade itinerary.

It’s nostalgic, a little chaotic, and a reminder that even the most random moments somehow stick with us.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Oh hey everybody happy Tuesday. It's another episode of your favorite podcast. Yeah, the clear bell ballcomes. Here we are. Another Tuesday in May Sember. How is everyone holding up? I literally have a new part-time job and it's to go to my kids' school every single day. Every single day this week, there is an activity. It's like award ceremony, band concert, all of the things. And they do it at weird times. One day it's at 11 in the morning, one day it's 6:30 at night. It's just a lot. Again, I'm soliciting for everybody to have one day. We do all of the activities on that one day. Everyone shows up, yay, hooray, go back to school, or don't, or don't. Just cut it. Last week or two weeks ago, my son didn't have school for half a day on Friday. So he gets out at 11 and I asked him, why? And he said, because regulation. They're not even coming up with excuses anymore, you guys. No excuse. So this podcast is late because regulation. Just regulation. That's it. Do I know what that means? I don't, but that's what I'm now going to use as every excuse. Because it sounds fancy. It's kind of like the government being like high interest, equity, financing, if the interests culturally irresponsible out of the DEI of the RIA Roth. You know, if you say enough words, it becomes believable. And people either get really tired of all of those words, or they're like, okay, totally. I've also had a pretty busy month. I did four weddings in like three weeks, meaning I photographed them. Again, go check out khcollective.co on Instagram. Go book your Mother's Day portraits, portrait portraits, friends time, senior portraits, wedding portraits, all the portraits. Go do it. But because of that, I have been a little busy. And so the podcast kind of went to the wayside. And now I'm recording it. I recorded it once and I liked it. But then I went back to edit it and I'm like, ooh, this is a lot of words. Kind of sounds like a podcast for Pomeranians, you know, just and now I'm re-recording it because I didn't like the first edit. And of course, somebody needs to mow their lawn at this time. And this is my life right now. And you know what? I'm not fighting it. If the lawn noise gets on your nerves, I understand. Tune in next week. And maybe there won't be the lawn noise, or maybe there will be. I really don't know. Okay? My estrogen is crashing. The weather's nice. I want to frolic on a hill. Have I ever froliced on a hill? I don't believe so, unless probably champagne was involved. But I would love to just be outside contemplating life and doing hacky sack. Have you ever, has anybody ever done hacky sack? I don't think I've even touched a hacky sack in my life. But I want to lay on the lawn and somebody to kick that little sandball around. And that's what I want to do with my days. But here I am, middle-aged woman, surviving May Sember, going to my kids' school like it's a full-time job, trying to make outfits from 2008 look cool again, which thankfully trends circle back around. Speaking of which, can we talk about the Met Gala? What in the Hunger Games is that? That's another reason why I didn't get this edited in time. So I sat on my couch. And do you ever have those moments where you're like, okay, in 10 minutes, I'm gonna get up and do the thing? In 20 minutes, ooh, now in 10 minutes from now, now in 10 minutes from now. And then it ends up being, oh, wait, time for bed. Whoopsie doodle. If you don't have that experience, good for you. You don't have ADHD. Okay. But if you do have that experience, well, welcome to the Neurodivergent Club. It's not one you want to be in. Go do some crossword puzzles and get that brain activity boosted back up because you do not want to be where my brain takes me. And that is sometimes I do a deep dive into the Met Gala on a Monday because I'm watching people walk a red carpet in bizarre outfits. And I want to like it, but I don't. And always the theme is nothing you can pin down. It's like forest. This particular year, I think it was fashion is art. Is that not obvious? That's what we that's what the reason is the Met Gala is happening. So why are we doing and it's always just like air of life, breath of life. Can we have a better theme so I can digest and suggest who's on point and who's not? Do leather and lace. Do polo, pink polo time. I don't know. I'm just these are off the cuff, okay? We can brainstorm it, workshop it, but I hate that it's just like the the human being. Okay, yeah, that's so much for interpretation. And now I don't know who's on point and who's not and who's taking it too far with wearing a skeleton. Beyonce, I love you, but a skeleton bedazzled, I don't know. It just nothing felt cohesive about it. And again, maybe I'm just down here paying, barely paying my gas prices, and they are going to the Met Gala and their bazillion-dollar getups and buying, you know, $500,000 tables would be nice. If you if you're gonna go to that much effort to do a huge display, Hunger Games-esque, please make it a cohesive theme so that us peons, us Paul Popas, can judge and be judged while you dine in your bedazzled skeleton outfit. Please. That in May Sember. So the 35 of you that will listen to this, please make all of that happen. All of my dreams come true. Manifest it. I will say the Met Gala in the photos has gotten me off of my new hyperfixation. And I can't tell you why I'm hyperfixated on this. Every few years I go down a rabbit hole. I love a conspiracy theory. Tupac's still alive. At one point, I knew everything there was to know about Watergate. I knew all the before happenings and all of the afters. I knew about the murders. If you asked me any of it now, I don't know. It went in one ear, went out the other, but I studied for it like I was getting my PhD in Watergate. And now my new hyperfixation is Steve Jobs in Apple. I can't tell you why. I just randomly couldn't sleep one night last week, watched the movie with Ashton Kutcher. It was weird. So then I decided, okay, let me watch the other one. So I watched the other movie. Then I started the audiobook. I'm heavy into Steve Jobs' life. That guy was not a good guy. But interestingly enough, I think it was just maybe the start of the podcast realizing like we didn't even have VCRs. And now people are saying that our kids can like marry AI companion people, which just blows my mind. Blows my mind. And again, that's why I want to go to a hill and frolic and hacky sack. Seems reasonable to me. And just as I do a deep dive into conspiracy theories and ideas and get hyper-fixated on something, so does the gate program, the gifted and talented education program. Every couple of years on social media, they're like, did you go into this room and read this book? Your brain got manipulated by the CIA. I don't think so. I don't think so. If schools can't figure out the days and they have to have a regulation day off, I'm not thinking that they were in cahoots with the CIA to warp our brains. At least not in Pueblo, Colorado that I can think of. We all just ate square pizza. Remember the square pizza? You can only get it at public schools. And there are days that I'm wondering, can I just go and have a public school pizza? How do I get on those menus at my nearest public school and be like, I'm here to volunteer? I'll clean up some milk spills for a good square pizza. We also had those burritos. Remember, you can kind of see through the weirdest tortilla. Never seen it before in my life, never saw it again after public school. But those burritos, I thought they were pretty delicious, if I'm being honest. We all had a weird burrito. It wasn't the gate program. It wasn't that they were eating our brains. It's just public school seemed a little streamlined, more streamlined, I guess, in the 80s. Now I think you can buy Snapples and Gushers for your lunches, which sounds great, but I don't know. Again, this could we could do a whole nother podcast episode because I was in the 80s. We were living on, I can't believe it's not butter, snack wells, all of the things when we were on diets, quote unquote diets. Um, and bagels. Remember, we were all no fat, low sugar, low fat, but yet we would car bload. Why were we carbloading? But now it seems like kids these days just eat chicken fingers and fries every single day for every single meal. And they look fit. Nobody's getting diabetes at an alarming rate, in my opinion. Their hair looks good. They look very skinny and all the sorority stuff that they're posting. I can't wait for rush talk when it happens. We're just a couple months away, guys. Just a couple months to see everybody have a fully interior designed dorm room and so many outfits for recruitment. And I can't wait. It is one of my highlights of the year, okay? It's my very my Christmas. Though lately it's not been as good. I like that all the sororities make like music videos, full-blown music videos with basket tosses, some stunting. Just like come to our sorority house, look at us. We just do Mambo number five skits all the time and watch us do this basket toss. It's kind of weird because it's like join our sisterhood, be our friend, and be in the basket toss. My midlife millennial soul sisters, sorority sisters are like, we would have never done this. This is so icky. We would not be wearing crop tops, one, because it didn't go with our business pants. And we don't want to do basket tosses. We're just we were set with just clapping and wearing matching bandanas and saying, Would you like to be a part of this? It's a fun place. We do weird things, we eat a lot of cinnamon toast crunch at 2 a.m. Join us. But now it's all music videos. Yeah, I don't know. Sorry about that, rant, but that's where I'm at right now. My brain today is working like slow fire internet dial up. It's like remember that sound? Yeah, that's kind of where I'm at right now. I think you guys are just gonna have to hold on tight and maybe skip over the next month or so. I'm kind of phoning it in because May is a lot. And it's really not. I can do it all. It's just looking at my calendar, then having anxiety about my calendar, and then not being able to do it, you know. So bear with me. You know I have to say that every single episode, but really truly bear with me. These are going to be mediocre at best. I really want to lower your expectations so I can over-deliver, but by over-deliver just means that I'm showing up here today. You know, you know? Okay, let's dive in. Enough of my rambling thoughts. Sometimes you ever just like sit down and think to yourself, I should put up my Christmas decorations right now. No? Okay, you're normal. Just checking. Me neither, of course. Anyways, let's dive in. So just to recap, parents got divorced, pretty uneventful. I don't really remember them fighting or anything. I discover I have many problems. One of which is writing my spelling words upside down and backwards and punching holes in a waterbed for no apparent reason. But I will say, you guys have come out of the woodworks with your secret confessions of childhood, and they are there's some good stories in there. I know that I'm not the only one that did weird behavior at that age, and it's comforting. And that's the whole point of this podcast is community. So if you did something weird, I did something weird, let's talk about it. Let's get weird. In the third grade, the Chicago chicks become the Southern Colorado Sweeties. Isn't that a cute basketball name? Again, as I've mentioned, I'm kind of a short squat, roly-pulley kind of a gal. So basketball wasn't ever going to be something I should really bank on. You know, it's not gonna be the thing that takes me to the next level. And I really wanted it to be. We had the cutest uniforms. They were um black with like pink writing, and then everyone had matching shoes. I'm sure I had something that was the payless version of the matching shoes, but I don't care. I digress. It was really wonderful. I really felt a sense of camaraderie. On this basketball team, though, it was like all of the cool girls with our girl gang, banging, banging, girl gang. And, you know, you had your best friend, and the best friend had, you know, the other, we all were linked up with our best friends, and the best friends kind of linked up together to form a big giant amoeba. Does that make sense? I don't know if it does. So all of our best friends are in this giant amoeba. We're playing basketball, we're doing our thing, but we still had like a mean girl vibe. So if the mean girl said something was not cool, it was not cool. And at this particular time in my life, I loved new kids on the block. Remember that? Like it was black and white, and then their names were always in color. I had a t-shirt, I had a tape, I was feeling myself. Of course, I was in my girl gang era. I was trying to have the right t-shirt ties, my permed bangs, new kids on the block stuff. I was doing sleepovers, I was doing basketball, I was doing the thing. I was caught up in my own little world. And we were moving out of our house because of the divorce and all of the things, which honestly, because I was so self-absorbed, I didn't really notice. I was just like, okay, who's gonna take me to basketball and tight roll my jeans? So in the girl gang, somebody decides we don't like new kids on the block. Not me, because I did like new kids on the block, very much so. I was listening to the tape all of the time. But again, third grade, impressionable. If they say to not like it, I don't like it. So the next thing I do is oblige to the girl gang mentality. And I sell my new kids on the block tape for 75 cents at a garage sale. Now, for those of you that are younger generations, let me just explain this to you. It is like if you had a Taylor Swift ticket, again, it's a tape, I get it now with Spotify, but I want to take you back. Tapes cost money, they were like $12 back in the day. So selling it for 75 cents when it's hot on the rack, hot beat, hot popping, hot press, that's doesn't math out. And I think my mom kind of looked at me and was like, Are you sure you want to sell this? This doesn't seem like you because you listen to this tape every day. Nope, we don't like new kids on the block anymore, mom. I'm sorry. Sorry to break your heart. But here's my warning to any of you in a girl gang now, later, future up and coming girls. If you like new kids, like new kids, stand up to the mean girl. And to be honest, me, I'm not really great at authority and rule following. And I don't know why I just didn't sneak that tape and pretend I still didn't like new kids in public, but really secretly listen to them. But I was going all in into my mean girl cult. There were two girls in the in kind of on the outskirts of the mean girl cults. And I remember there was some bullying happening. And I was talking to my friend about this last week, and I was like, where were our moms? Because I feel like moms nowadays were all on in our Anorandack chairs in the neighborhood, drinking wine, gossiping about all the gossips. What were our moms doing? They weren't drinking wine, and I don't remember my mom going to like events, maybe like a codate or what do you call it, couple's night out once every four years. Was she just watching Murder She Wrote or something upstairs? And I don't even think she did because we didn't have that many TVs. I don't know where my mom was during this time or my dad. Well, my dad was at the Oasis apartments. But I remember there was some bullying happening in our girl gang, and I had to have several meetings with other girls and their moms. I'm very confused by this. I am so thankful that I have a boy because I don't think I can manipulate the girl gang mentality so well. I remember they would be like, let's have a chat, let's get them together, let's play. So yeah, we were just playing with American girl dolls, probably while some Karen was telling my mom, she's really aggressive and she's kind of a bully. My problem is, is I don't have a filter. It's not that I'm trying to be manipulative. I am just super honest. It is a blessing and a curse. If you want to know if those shorts look good, ask me. I cannot hide it. I cannot lie about that. I will tell you. I just don't know why, though we would have these come to Jesus meetings, like I was the problem. I'm sure I wasn't not the problem, but I don't think I was the full-blown problem. Anyways, the two of the girl gangs of the people transferred schools, and I think it was definitely having to do with the girl gang problems. And I like that my mom didn't get involved. She was just kind of like, mm-hmm okay, and would listen to people complain and have breakdowns about, you know, the hierarchy of the third grade girls, but she never really did anything about it. And even after those play dates, I'm sure she was just tired and didn't want to talk to me about it, didn't want to discipline me or anything. I just went back to worrying about basketball and my life and square pizza. But I did miss my new kids on the block tape. I definitely did. Couldn't hang tough unless I does anybody remember hitting play record, calling into a radio station, hitting play record at the same time when your song finally comes on. Who had the time? I guess we did. And I guess it's what we're all longing for during May Sember. I don't want to chat GPT anything. Everything's on my fingertips. It was kind of a luxury to just sit around and stare at the radio and hit play record when the announcer said, This one goes out to Claire, hanging tough by new kids on the block. And then you would hit play record and you would have that on a tape forever until you recorded over it accidentally by hitting play record at the wrong time. In addition to my play record button, I also fell in love with denim jackets at this time in my life. There was a boutique. They would glue lace, puff paint, mirrors, little tiny balls all over denim jackets. I coveted these denim jackets for almost two or three years because they were kind of custom. And ever since then, you will not see me without 17 denim jackets in my closet. I love a denim jacket. I love them bedazzled, I love them not bedazzled, I love them with pearls, I love them with shoulder pads, I love them with fur. I love a denim jacket. I think they are the best thing. And you know what? Anna Wentur, make your Met Gala next year the denim jacket. That's a theme we can all live with and like. And maybe this podcast will pop off and I will buy a $100,000 ticket. Yo. I'm not entirely sure why I just jumped into character as a white rapper from Florida, but here we are again. This brain of mine, I'm just going wherever it takes me. Another memory from third grade, and this kind of goes back to the gate program, which I touched on. They were not, it was not CIA, but whatever this was felt like it. So we would change rooms for some reason. I think one teacher did math, one teacher did reading, one teacher did who knows? I don't know. But there were like three or four classes and we would transfer through them. And so I guess we would go in different reading groups, but I had to go to Miss Manzanaris' class and she kept it dark. And I want you to think about if you put up red curtains in a public school classroom and then made you read something like Silas Marner. Is that a book? It feels like some some the Iliad, some book that is hard to understand. I I think I would have even comprehended more of the Bible, but anyways, we would read some book that seemed very long, and we would have to go around the room reading it. I don't think they do that anymore. Thank the good Lord, because that was tough. I just remember my brain would not be focused on the reader, the material, or anything. I would literally look around the room and just count the seconds as that clock ticked and ticked. And then when the public reading time was over, Miss Manzanaris put on a tape recorder of violin music. Now, this tape probably should have been thrown away 20 years ago. And I don't even think they made tapes at that point in time, but it was so bad. It sounded like somebody had ripped the tape out and then remember, put a pencil back in, rolled it back in, played it, and it was violin music. There is nothing more miserable and more torturous than having to read some very hard book in third grade with the lights dimmed low to a broken tape recorder playing violin music. Here we are again, at another pivotal point in my childhood, which is telling me so much and nothing at all at the same time. I could, I, this could be why I'm so crazy. This could be the source of all of my problems, is that I was in the gay program and I was also tortured into listening to like it sounded like broken chairs scraping across the floor past his violin. Nobody wants to read to that. Nobody wants to be alive to that. It needs to be immediately shut off. But we were all like eight and nine year olds being like, okay. I think it was only twice a week that I had to do that. And it couldn't have been for more than an hour, I don't think. Who knows? But I will tell you, those were very impactful hours. And if the CIA was trying to tap into my brain, well, they cracked it open with that weird violin tape. And speaking of recordings, let me I have two more stories for you, but I'm gonna leave you with this one. So obviously tensions were high, right? And I didn't really realize it because I was so self-absorbed in my own little third-grade world, doing my third grade things. But obviously we were going through a lot of changes, selling the house. Me and my sister were really, really getting physical. There was biting, pulling hair, punching, scratches, all of the things that you could do with a sibling. I was doing it. And again, I know that my mom wasn't drinking wine on a unaround deck chair, but where was she when we were nearly killing each other? I'm almost wondering if my parents were just like, well, maybe one of them will expire in such a way and we won't have to afford their life anymore. Which they weren't even, it wasn't even that expensive in the 80s, okay? Okay. But obviously, if the Karen moms were coming to my mom and we were having come to Jesus, this is when the girl gang really starts to pop off and you get your roles and all of the things. And I again had my best friend, her name was Jay. And I was so into Jay. If she did something, crimped her hair, I crimped my hair. She got a hair tie, I got a hair tie. Anything she told me to do, I did it. I think she might have crossed paths and got a new best friend at some point because I decided in third grade to profess my love to her over an answering machine. And the family answering machine, yes, we didn't have voicemail back in the day, cats and kittens. We had answering machines. And they would, you would hook up to your phone, and after three rings, it would roll over and be like, beep, the Jensen family isn't here right now, so leave a message, beep. And I thought to get my best friend Jay back in My Good Graces so that we could repair and live a lifelong together. I recorded Lean on Me, the lyrics, a cappella style, on her answering machine. Now again, I've said multiple times, if you put a microphone in front of my face, I'm going to sing. So I will give you a snippet of what this family probably they just went out to like Taco Tuesday or something and came home, played their answering machines and was like, hi Bill, this is Mark, blah blah blah. Meet me at the gas station, blah, blah. And then next, next, next, lean on me when you're not strong. I'll be a friend that you can count on. And I think I called back two or three times to finish the song. How I got the lyrics, I don't know. I could have just made them up how I did just now. But that's strange. And that is where I there's drama, and then I do some sort of outlandish gesture to get somebody back in my good graces, but it doesn't land the way I think it's gonna land. I must have been watching too many movies because I thought, oh, the whole family will hear this and they will say, Jay, be besties again with Claire. You're missing out on life. She's a really good singer and sings on people's answering machines. But again, I'm looking back into my treasure trove of memories and realizing, wow, that was weird. But I'll tell you this right now. Should I be on cameo? Cameo is the thing where you hire B-list celebrities, which I'm not a B list. I'm not even a Z-list. But if you pay me, I'll sing on your voicemail if you want me to. You you can even name the song. You can request it. You don't even have to have a tape recorder ready to hit play record. You can audio save that message in today's world. Heck yeah, Steve Jobs. Way to go with that Apple iPhone. Okay, now let's land this plane because I'm getting off on tangents. Again, it kind of gets muddy. Like it did it happen in third grade or fourth grade? I'm not really sure, but we're about to hop into the middle school years, and that's gonna be fun, you guys. We have so many things to discover in middle school, as one middle schooler does. But let's bring it on home with this story. So, as I've mentioned, tensions were high, the divorce, it was a lot of change happening. I was drawing pictures of horses, don't ask, leaving messages of songs, a cappella style, on people's answer machines. But I was still so self-absorbed in my own little world, doing my own little thing, but also taking out all of my aggression and anger and sadness and feelings on my sister. And she was reciprocating by doing that same thing back to me. So we would get in really big fights. I think one time I was at my dad's house and both her and I were, and we had gotten to like a huge fight. And that always ends up with like bloody noses and big fat lips and globs of hair coming out. If you don't have a sibling, this isn't gonna make sense to you. But we really got at it, and I don't know again where my parents were, but neither here nor there. This one particular event, we were at my dad's house. He probably had to go pick something up at work or something. And he worked at a prison. So Colorado has several prisons. I think uh El Jefe is at one in Canyon City, but he worked at a women's max security prison in Canyon City. And so he said, girls, get in the car. And so we did. We obliged, we got in the car. He said, if you guys keep fighting, this is where you're gonna go. So he takes us inside of the prison. Now, mind you, we're like 11 and 9, okay? So, or maybe 10 and 8. I don't know. Neither here nor there. Either way, we don't know what freedom is. We're not even close to it. Even at 18, freedom doesn't really seem like a possibility. What am I gonna do? Use my lifeguarding job to move out and pay my rent. So, to any of the parents out there that think this is a great idea to show your kids the inside of a prison, it's not a good idea. And I'm about to tell you why. So he takes us to the prison. Now, we've seen cartoons and movies where prison is just a cell block. Cement, you get a baloney sandwich once in a while, and you just tally days on the side of the prison wall, right? That's what we thought that prison was at this age. We also have no concept of freedom. We don't pay our own bills. We don't, I mean, we kind of pick what we get to wear. We do get to pick that we listen to a new kid's tape, but we're not really picking out what we're having for dinner or where we're going on vacation or what we're doing in the evenings. We're just children. So we walk into the prison. I'm a little nervous. There's is barbed wire and a fence, kind of an electrical thing going outside of the prison. But we walk in the front of the prison like it's a hospital bank. It just looked like a hospital bank, and there was a prisoner vacuuming the front entrance area. Then we walked by this game room. They were playing Nintendo. We didn't have a Nintendo. And I was just thinking to myself, wow, prison looks like a fun camp. This is amazing. So finally we leave the prison. He gives us kind of a little tour, and he's like, if you girls keep fighting, this is where you're gonna end up. And I was like, Dad, this is amazing. Here's the thing: when we get older, if we don't have money, I'm gonna rob a bank and I'll get to keep the money. If I get caught, I'll get to go to prison and play Nintendo all day and vacuum. This is my new life dream. And again, it could have been the broken tape violin music. It could have been that I was a sociopath, it could have been that I was self-absorbed, could have been my girl gang problems. But these are indicators that there's there's trouble brewing in my future if I'm having thoughts like this. Wouldn't you agree? But for the next few years, I'm like, listen, I can't fail. I'm invincible. And even if I'm not, I'll go to prison, which is you can play Nintendo there, and it looks very fun. Thankfully, I'm not in prison right now. I I do need to possibly consider robbing a bank, but I'm not gonna do it just at this point yet. You know? I'm going to really keep trying at this podcast, which again, I'm sorry that my brain's been offline. I I wonder if it's these estrogen patches I just need more of. I'm not sure. But that's what we got today. If you have any ideas or topics that you want to talk about, or if you want to come on as a guest, I'm thinking let's switch it up. It's come, it we're feeling the summer weather. We're all wanting to frolic. We're about to go on road trips. I need to elevate this content. Okay, so you all have some homework. I need you guys to text me, call me. I need to get out in the world. I need to experience life. That's where my material comes from. So then I have ability to rant. I think I've just been working and kind of being a recluse because I've been savoring and harboring all of my energy for Mesember. And also thinking about Steve Jobs and putting up my Christmas slick tree and whatnot. But I'm in a bit of a lull. So I need some inspiration, some chats, some deep dives. Maybe I'll do some edibles, see where that road takes me, probably right to that hacky sack hill. I don't know. But I'm hoping next Tuesday, bright and early, before the sun rises, you will have another episode. I promise I won't be late. You know, I'm not good with deadlines. And with spirit going out of business, I was reminded I worked there for a hot minute. And because I'm not really good with being on time and deadlines and whatnot, it was flight attendant, because it kind of air travel, you know, is time dependent. And you shouldn't put time dependency on somebody that saying, lean on me on their best friend's voicemail. I also think people with that are good with deadlines, they have a normal bowel movement schedule. You know, they wake up, they eat a decent, balanced diet, they have a good strong bowel movement once a day, maybe even twice. Me, ugh, not to go into a weird territory, but sometimes it happens when it happens. Okay. My intestines have a mind of their own and they just do their own thing. I know it's TMI, but just go with me here. And it's really hard to plan your day if you don't know what your stomach has set out for the day's plans. So I just, you it's just hard to meet those deadlines, especially if I didn't know on a random Tuesday that I'm gonna have to be in the bathroom the majority of the day. I don't make the rules, I just play by them. I guess I could be better about eating a balanced diet, but yeah, I don't know. It just something that I did to my stomach over the years, it's it's not it. It is not it. I I think in college there was times where I didn't go for an entire semester. That can't be good. Whew, this podcast is really letting me lean in and feel really sad about my life. I need to start thinking of the happier times. With that, I know that with this was a bizarre episode. I was all over the place, but they all can't be good. I'm training myself to stay consistent. Bear with me. We're going to get to all of the things in the future and the past, and we'll talk through things and also call and text me so that we can have chats and I can throw it into the podcast for material. Okay. I love you all so much. As a reminder, I'm your host, Claire of Claire Bear, and this is another podcast. Tune in next week as we divulge more into my issues. Thank you everybody for tuning in. This podcast has been recorded, directed, edited, written, all of the things by your host, Claire. And with that, I will see you next Tuesday. Thank you all so much for tuning in.