Soft Launch Episode 3

This one’s a bit of a soft launch… in every sense.

Claire shares a few early childhood memories, loosely connected, mildly questionable in accuracy, and delivered with the honesty you’ve come to expect.

It’s not groundbreaking. It’s not life-altering. But it is real.

And sometimes that’s enough.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Okay, it's uploading right now.

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 0:03

How do you feel about this?

SPEAKER_01 0:04

What does that mean? What do we like? What does that mean?

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Well, it means hopefully by the morning it'll be on there and then on your way to Boulder or wherever you're going, you can listen to it.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

To work. To work.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

So I just have to finish like a couple things. And then um, yeah, I'm almost done. You guys, the bear babes. It's episode three. I have to be honest, I think the applause in this canned music, it's kind of growing on me. I don't know that I have the time to kind of figure out what would come next after that. It's my vibe. I'm into it. I've done it four million times at this point, and I kind of like it. It feels so weird to be in my progress over perfection era, but here I am. And so normally I would have probably hired someone to do a song. I would have hired an editor. I would have done a full-blown photo shoot. I would be filming this, then hire an editor from that. But right now, I am just doing the best I can to kind of learn this brick by brick. And here we are. I learned so much from launching my episode. If you've made it to episode three, my first episode just launched, but I'm recording this obviously in the past that's going to be in the future. You get it. You know, it's not live. Like my mom is like, oh, is this live? So I launched last night. It was kind of lackluster. I just put it out there. I've been talking about this so much, and my friends are invested. And my best friend of all time is like, when's the pod coming out? When's the pod coming out? Now she has a very different life journey, yet we have come together. We call each other mild and wild. And she was a big proponent. She's always, you know, really quick to tell me that you kind of messed up, but she's always a big fan of my wild hair ideas. One point, right before COVID, I wanted to open up a workout studio and Pueblo, and I wanted to write a book, and then I was gonna go on tour. We have these bright ideas that kind of get away from us. We like to imagine things, and she's always my hype girl, yet from a type A organized, she must have Virgo in her chart. She is a Pisces, but she has to have Virgo somewhere in there. She's very regimen, routine, likes organization, doesn't overindulge. She's really a perfect human, if I have to admit something about my best friend. Do you know how hard it is to be friends with a perfect human? It's almost impossible because they always have it all together and I always have it all falling apart. But I think we can inspire each other to live in the middle. She's always a big hype girl and will tell me, Oh, I think this is the best idea ever that you could ever do. I feel it, yes. And I'm always, I'm gonna be a flight attendant and travel the world. And the next thing you know, we're gonna have houses globally. We're really gonna do this. And she's like, Yes, I feel it. And then she can also sense when like things are going downhill, and it's a really hard time for her because she's like, Do I hype her up more? Or do I tell her there's warning signs all over, girl, that this has kind of gone awry? The other day we were talking, and I was like, It must have been really hard to be my friend. And she said, It was, it was almost impossible. So that's her at the beginning of the podcast. And I called her right when it was about to be published because really in the first of the year, she's like, Podcast, podcast, where's your podcast? And I was like, You need to slow your roll. My kid caught a baseball to the eye. I have the flu, there's a freeze coming. I don't know when a hurricane is coming. And also it's Tuesday, and I can't be bothered if the wind blows the wrong direction. So just calm it on down. And she did. She stopped texting me every day and went to more like every three days. And then I still crashed out. And then she went to once a week and then kind of was doing once a month. At a certain point, she lost faith that this was actually happening. So then she recruited people and was like, My brother is really excited to hear your podcast. And I was like, Your brother doesn't care what I'm doing right now, okay? She's basically like the Trader Joe's person wants to hear your podcast. And I'm like, I don't know Jeanette. I don't know her. She's not excited. You're lying about this. And just if you could just stop and I can just take another 400 days to get this podcast launch, and I will, I will just stop being such a boss beat. And that's what she does in her real life job is encourage people to stay on track. And I can't imagine doing that job, but she does it well because here we are, four months after I said I would do it, and here we are at the podcast. But I did call her, and now we just kind of sat on the phone. And normally we can yap for days, and then we were just wondering, okay, so now what? What do we do? I don't know what we do. I thought I should have some reel of me popping open champagne. If you go back to episode one, I talk about kind of what the four years have done to my physical appearance, and I really oscillate between the Crip Keeper, Mama June, and feeling like I could go out in public. So I don't have any of those reels and I don't know when it's gonna be. I plan to do a hot girl walk after this, and by hot girl walk, I walk for 30 minutes and hope that I burn 7,000 calories, and that's just not how it goes, especially in perimenopause when I think you have to literally go on Survivor Island to lose two pounds. It's just impossible. So I've thrown in the towel and I'm just living my best self. It's just gonna take my brain to adjust to what it's seeing in the mirror, even though it's been happening for a good nine months. Though this perimenopause weight did come on rapidly fast, I'll tell you that. And then with it, just my skin. I had good skin. And then all of a sudden it's just like, whoa, jump scare when I look in the mirror. You know? If you don't know, you will know. So, what I wanted to warn the future generations, the younger version of myself, is hey little Claire, you only have so many Fs to give in your lifetime. So please be courteous and really budget them. Don't spend two days planning what glittery belt to wear over a dress in 2007, because you're gonna need those F's to give when you look like the Cripkeeper and have zero energy at 45, okay? That's just a warning to any future Clayers out there. Just, you know, budget those, the things that you're caring about and really maybe set some boundaries. Keep those things that you have to make decisions about really low because it's so easy when you're young. And I know they say youth is wasted on the young. Not me. I really grabbed that bull by the horns and lived every moment. I wish I would have maybe budgeted along the way so that I could go on vacation when I'm 45, or even just get out of bed and go on a longer walk than maybe 30 minutes, 15 if I'm being truthful. And if I'm also being truthful, I only do that walk once every seven to 10 days. But I'm working on it. I'm a work in progress. That's all life is a work in progress, just like this podcast. Honestly, living my life, the Hot Mess Express, I can't imagine if you were a supporter here for a long time. I think that might even be harder than actually living through the things that I've lived through. And even my boss, she hates to be called my boss, but she's my boss. Okay. She's like, I think she just even gave up on asking if this was ever gonna get done or anything that I've ever told her that I would get done for her business because it's just, I run on my own timeline. But if you've made it through the first two episodes and you're here on episode three, welcome and thank you for supporting me. You're likely not a friend of mine in real life because at that point you would have been like, this is a little cringe to watch you work through your growing pains, or you're a hater. And I I want to welcome that too. Anything that's gonna drive those downloads up, I'm here for. So honestly, if you're a friend or a family member or a boss, I love you. The only bosses that have been able to roll with me are boy moms. And I now know why, because I think I would be impossible, impossible to manage, even be friends with or support. And to those that are still here, way far down into the journey, thank you. And only the strong survive. Give yourself, oh, you know what? We can do this. Give yourself an applause. I love that. If I had like a genie lamp, one of my wishes would be to have like a full-blown audio sound effects slash soundtrack to my life playing at all times. You know, you wake up and in the mornings that you're feeling a little gloom, it would be a Gracie Abram song. Or if you're feeling yourself, it would be like, I need a dollar, dollar. Okay, sorry. The singing again. I'm really working on that. Give me at least like one free ticket per episode. But if you're still here, I want to give you a thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart. When I launched all of the sweet messages and the support and people saying it wasn't cringe, even though I know it was cringe, I really, really appreciate you tuning in and supporting this vision of mine and seeing where it takes us. But for now, I'm doing low and slow budget. I really truly believe that the internet is craving authenticity and not AI, you know. So we're just doing real raw cuts. And that is a unique feeling for me because I really like to have my ducks in a row. I like to have a plan A, B, C, D, E all the way to Z. Because if you know me, you know my life's a disaster. So if I don't have those backup plans, I can be up a creek without a paddle. And if you're getting a little bored, what I learned from the first episode is you should play a drinking game and drink every time I say, yeah no. I mean, that was annoying. But like I said, I have no technological skills. I learned what I learned, and I'm just trying to go for it. So I don't even really know how to edit that out. I don't know how to move pieces around. I'm just talking into a microphone, and when I kind of slur my speech, I kind of start over and I am able to figure out how to edit that out. But that even sounded choppy a couple of times in the first episode. And you know what? We're just rolling with it. Progress over perfection, that's my new term, so that I can make headway along the way. Rome wasn't built in a day, Beyonce wasn't built in a day, and this podcast was certainly not built in one day, and not even one week, one month. It's taken a little while for this learning curve to kick in, you know? You know. After I launched the show, I posted on social media, and I've been really bad about posting on social media because I'm trying to learn how to do a podcast and I'm only one person and I haven't figured out how technology works and AI. But I posted on social media and then I listened to the podcast. Well, I listened to 12 minutes because that's all I could get through. It wasn't good. It was really tough for me to listen to that, which is weird because I edited it, but then when I played it in my car, I felt so uncomfortable. So if you did make it through that full first episode, God bless you. And after I birthed this big project into the world, I was sitting on Instagram scrolling, waiting for people to like, Yes, Queen. Even though I didn't feel deserving of Yasqueen. So as I'm scrolling, waiting for the likes and the validation, which I shouldn't be, but I am. I'm just gonna admit it. I came across one of my friend's stories. Her name's Michelle, and we met maybe 13, 14 years ago, and she has been a huge supporter of mine, and we have been in connection back and forth over the years. They live kind of outside of Nashville. She also has her own podcast called Work Hearter, like with a heart mama. And I believe she has a podcast with her husband, and she was really helpful when I had this idea in November, and I was simmering on it, and she told me, Hey, start here, which I'm so thankful for. And I was even a guest on her podcast. I need to find the episode and put it on like the socials so that you can go see how awkward I was on someone else's podcast. So after we did that tangent, I came across her stories. And basically, she was in the middle of a car wash. She says that car wash. I love people that say wash. Something about it gets on my nerves, but I also love, you know that feeling. So she was sitting in the car wash and she was saying, I just had this epiphany that we are on this journey and it doesn't matter where you're driving. If you're driving in the car wash, if you're driving to somebody national park, if you're driving to the mall, if you're driving to Walgreens, somebody is always going to be in our way. And yet somebody will always be alongside us. And it's our responsibility to take note of that and gather a community within ourselves and be aware that everyone's on their own journey doing their own thing. What this has to do with the price of tea in China and what I'm saying on this podcast, I kind of don't know. But it felt right in the moment. Like, yeah, I did this, but I had things in my way, but I still accomplished it, you know? I think I had a point here, and I'm not sure what it was. But I did post on social media, I did ask people, I was like, tell me about the first time you tried something. Because as somebody that's been kind of in arts, you'll notice like the first time you do something that is meant for you, you'll feel the spark and you'll get really interested. But then you go through this phase of like, I'm new at this, I don't know anything. Even if it's riding a bike and you love riding bikes, no one got on a bike and was Lance Armstrong. So feeling kind of cringe about my first episode, I take it to the socials. I know I just explained the dichotomy with the socials, but here we are. And I said, tell me about the first time you tried something and how it got better from there. And because I don't have brand deals just yet, I am going to tell you about my friends' businesses. So if you're in the Houston area or abroad, I think she travels. I always see on her story she's in some fabulous Tyra Banks style warehouse doing like real fancy models makeup. So she's kind of a big deal. But her name is Beauty by Chrysly Chrys L Y. So go and follow her. She told me this crazy story, which I don't think I have the permission to tell you, but here we are. And the first wedding that she ever did makeup for, she burned the bride's forehead. And now she does weddings every weekend. She's doing models. I told you she's in these big warehouses doing fabulous makeup. And now she's on her way to having a big box store. I mean, this is huge, y'all. And if you go and follow her, she's not some big influencer, but she's gonna tell you drugstore options and like big name, like what you should be spending your money on. I had been teasing my hair and watching people tease hair for 44 years. And she showed me the best tip of my life, the last photo shoot I did with her. So I highly recommend going and supporting her and cheering her on to get her big box store because I can tell you she operates with major integrity. She is super kind, salt of the earth person, and somebody that I definitely would want to buy makeup from. Like her, she's not selling her integrity. She's not trying to make money, she's trying to live out her passion. And I think the world needs more people like that. Don't you? She would do the applause button again. Here, let me turn it up. I love that button. I can't tell you I just love it. I love these stories. And I have faith that one day I'll get to look back on these first few episodes and be like, ooh, wow, I really did not know what I was doing. And I've done that many a times in my life, be it fitness or photography or any art form that requires heart and strength and passion. I am just so excited that one day I can look back on these episodes and think of the person who started and how much courage and strength it took and the growth that I've seen along the way by just staying consistent. And consistency has a different meaning as a 45-year-old middle-aged white woman because again, I grew up playing the organ trail and I don't know about this AI mumbo jumbo. So if you see me out there churning butter, mind your business. In this process and other processes along the way, I've really learned that when you click on the links of sign up for this eight-step course and you'll solve all your life problems and make $90,000 a month. I've done that. And I just end up $90,000 a month poorer. But I did spend some time. I bought a template that was so easy. Anybody could do it, anybody but me, of course. So I spent two days, laundry piled up, dishes piled up. I didn't brush my teeth, I didn't sleep trying to do a website. If you go to ClareBear.com, you're going to see the fruits of my labor. I then got on Fiverr and said, I need help, which again, pat on the back to me, because normally I would be like, who does Skim's website? I'm gonna hire them for eight million dollars and finance my life away. But no, I got on Fiverr. And if you go to ClaireBear.com, you will see where it started and you won't see where it's going. It's very confusing. It's half done. I hit publish too soon. I don't know how to unpublish it. So that's kind of where we're at. When I got on Fiverr, hired this guy, he had great reviews. His name's Tim E. You'll hear me talk about Tim E. That's his real name. Uh, he told me it would be done seven days, and that was 70 days ago. So let's see what happens with old Tim E. I also talked to my friends and they were like, I've never known a podcast to have a website, and I don't go to websites. I go to apps, I go to my music playing app, and I live my best life. So don't go to the website right now. I'll tell you when it's good to go and you can peruse around. So my goals for the future are to look back on this and be like, wow, what a youngling, what a young baby chick she started as. And look where she is now. Wow. The fire, the passion. And hopefully that does come true. And I'm not laying down headfirst into my lawn with my couch on the front porch. But little by little, hopefully Tim E comes through or I'll go another direction. We'll have a website that you can go to. I'm hopefully having merch the song right now, as I mentioned. I think I might stick with it for a little while. And if you know how to write a song and record it and tell me how to edit it into my podcast, let me know. Because I'm still not of the level of like layering and sound effects and fading in and out. So it's going to sound a little choppy. Bear with me, but I'm shhh. I'm hoping to get merch on the website, and you know we'll start with a hoodie because I love a hoodie. Will it be overpriced for what you get? Mm-hmm. It will. But did you guys hear about that Park girl? If you have daughters in middle school, high school, I know you know Park, the brand, but she does these drops for these $400 sweatshirts. She started in 2019 and her business is $10 million. Am I making all of these statistics up? Absolutely. You might have to fact check it, but it grew exponentially. And she just does limited drops of sweatshirts. So maybe if you sponsor me or we can get a couple hoodies sold, I can start paying some bills and then put some more time into this, and I'll have drops. Isn't that fun to say? Check out my latest. I know I keep telling you a little bit about how poor I am, and this is a side gig that I'm trying to figure out. There's some truth to that, but for the first time ever in my life, because my whole world came crashing down a few years ago, I have finally decided to start following my heart and my passion. And I have been pretty comfortable. Not rich, rich like private jet rich, but I've been, you know, able to go and buy two pairs of golden goose. So to me, that's rich. When I was growing up, if you had an American girl, baller status, you basically had a mansion to me. I've been pretty poor. I've had to borrow money from friends, even if it was just a hundred dollars. And I've been blessed. And I can tell you, it doesn't really, I'm not money motivated. That's the one thing I've learned about myself. And so this is the first time ever in my life that I'm taking fear out of the equation as best as I can and focusing on something that I truly love and not buying into it and getting hyper-fixated and having all of the gear to do it all perfect. Because at the end of the day, there is something that AI and the machines and the cameras and the ovens, all of the greatest tools, can't put heart and soul to something. No AI is going to take that away from me. You got that AI, wherever you're at. I hope you're listening. And while I won't really touch on politics because I'm not that educated in politics, I have my feelings, but I think the whole world, the way politics should work is we should have a dialogue of what works and what doesn't. And I'm not somebody that puts my heels in the sand. So I don't feel qualified to talk about politics. What I will talk about, though, is my spiritual nature and my faith. And again, I'm not trying to alienate anybody, but I am trying to say this is what got me through and to this point in my life. And I will say that letting go of some of the fear of money and fame and authenticity and fear that people will hate me and think this is cringy, letting go of that is very scary, extremely scary. It feels like you're taking off the clothes of your soul and you're burying it all, which is why this is called Clear Bear. But I'll say this: the more I do that, the more I live my purpose and my authentic self. And it's taken me years to get to that part. I remember taking classes and life coaching, and it's just like, you just have to live through it. And I was like, what does that mean? I hate living through this. How do I get through it faster? And I don't have the answer or the tips or the tricks, but I do know that I've lived through it to tell you how to live through it. The more I live my truth, the more authentic I can be, the more I align with what I feel my purpose in this world is, the happier I am. And that comes with or without money. But I can tell you, if I had all of the money in the world and was doing something I hate, that's gonna be a no for me. And I also know that a lot of people are money motivated and down to clown like that. It's just not the way I operate. So the long ass episode three moral of the story is if you're thinking about something and something is pulling you closer to your purpose, builds a spark or a flame or a fire inside of you, chase it. Go for it. The people in your life will cheer you on. The universe will send people along the way to say, you got this girl, even if you really don't got it. I hope that each and every one of you has a boss, has a friend, has a sister, has a mom that can't remember anything, but does remember that she loves you and you'll be good at whatever you try and go for it. Just start. It doesn't have to be perfect, but just go for it. And I know that I sound like so cliche because some of you today might not even be able to get out of bed or brush your teeth or you're dealing with some legal battle and you're trying to rob Peter to pay Paul and you've got loan officers calling you. And I promise, follow your heart. Let joy be your compass and go that way. Shout out Ginny Corbett. She's the one that says, let joy be your compass. And she's really clung on to that and mastered that in her life, even though she doesn't think she's doing it right now because she's in the thick of motherhood. But I promise you that message is so clear now more than ever, with the noise of social media, money, what's going on with politics, etc., tap into yourself. There's this really crazy story that when I was in yoga training, and again, we'll get there, they said, Where should we put joy? And, you know, the people planning on where to put joy. So I don't know if this like BC or after BC or yogis, who knows what was doing this. But some beings, some spiritual beings were out in the universe saying, Where should we put the joy? And so some said, Well, let's put it on the highest mountain there ever was. So then they have to climb up and get it. And someone was like, Let's bury it deep in the ocean. And some prophetic spiritual being, BC or not, I don't know, said, Let's bury it in their heart. So your heart has all of that in there and you are equipped. And I don't really know this because my life has been the hot mess express. But I can tell you, after a very long journey of doing what everyone else wanted me to do, what I thought I was supposed to do, what the social media, you know, encouraged me to do, when I finally found and I had to isolate myself or the universe had to isolate me based on my circumstances. When I finally discovered what made me tick and what made me happy and what I have to offer, I started doing that. And now I feel more alive. Can I pay my bills? Probably not. Do I feel like that matters? Also not, because I'm just living out my purpose. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk slash sermon. I am trusting that the universe has my back. One of my dear friends and fellow comedic Pisces, happy birthday, Sarab, even though it's a little bit late, owns Coronation Theater here in Houston, Texas. So if you want to laugh, if you're feeling a little funny, go check out Coronation Theater. Again, we're doing the free sponsorships for the Claire Bear podcast, and this is one of them near and dear to my heart. I love seeing what he's been able to accomplish. But one of the things he's always said is, it's going to work out because it has to. So with a little faith, a little fun, and the technical knowledge of a rock, we're going to get this show on the road. I know I took a little tangent to kind of recap where we've been and where we plan to go. Again, don't go to the website until I tell you to because Tim E is working hard on that, I hope. Or he just stole a few hundred dollars. It's fine. It's happened. Faith, love, joy. It's gonna be okay because it has to. You know, let's just be optimistically delusional. I'm sure next week I come to you and I'm like, everything is rotten. But here we are. We're just, let's just be happy for now. The weather here in Houston, Texas is beautiful. We only get about two weeks of nice weather. So right now I'm just in my happy, happy, joy, joy era. And nothing can go wrong. And like I said, next week it's gonna be probably another story because of that borderline personality disorder that I may or may not have. I'm not fully diagnosed, but let's just keep listening to the podcast and you guys can help diagnose me. I will say I've tried a lot of things. So many things. Careers, hobbies, the gambit. The gambit or the gambit, whatever, you know what I mean. I am very impressionable. If I see a figure skater, I am then a figure skater. Does it matter if I wouldn't fit in a leotard and have I skated three times in my life? No, I am now a full-blown figure skater. I will buy skates, I will bedazzle a uniform, and I will go to a lesson. I don't care if I'm 45, I will do it. But with all of my hyperfixations and career goals and hobbies, I really dig deep. There was a career pause that I had and I thought I would be a landman. It required too many maps and math. Those are my biggest weaknesses. But I really romanticized these hobbies and career goals. I thought before I even took the first class of being a landman, I was like, I can see me now on the front cover of women in energy management. My arms will be crossed. I'm in a fluorescent vest doing construction with a hard hat and a wink and a smile. And then it required maps and math. And I couldn't do it. But I did know people that were like super drunk frat dudes in college, like falling off of roofs. And now they're very successful landmen. And I said, How hard could it be? Chad does. But for the first time in a very long time, this journey hasn't felt like I'm forcing something. It's felt natural. It has come with its own set of challenges. I am not going to lie. Again, I have the technical ingenuity of a rock, but here we are. I had this spark of an idea after my 18th millionth attempt at writing a book. And I thought to myself, why not a podcast? Because then we can take it in different ways. And it's like an autobiography with legs, right? And I had that thought in the middle of the night last fall, and I went online to see if Claire Bear was available. And lo and behold, it was 19 cents, y'all. 19 cents I bought my website that Tim E has in his hands and is probably hacking at this very moment, but we'll never know. And if I don't have a website, I still have the podcast name. So here we are. It has come with its own set of challenges because nothing great comes super easy. I wish I knew a better quote to throw in there, but I don't. You know, it's what's that saying? It can't be fast, cheap, and easy. Fast, cheap, you know. You know what I mean. There are certain things that you have to sacrifice one of those quadrants for the other. And this has been a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, but it's almost felt worth it in the end. Whereas the other ones, it's like, oh, you you're not you're not gonna be a figure skater. You're bad at it. I even took ballet in college. There was a moment in college that I thought I could be on Broadway as a ballet dancer. And as a five foot one female that's been described as a little chunky her whole life, I don't think those were very solid dreams. And I remember going to ballet class, and the instructor was like, Claire, come here and show us what you just did. And I said, Oh, absolutely, star of the class. Hello, watch my releve at beates. And I start galloping across the class in my releve patate-tate's. I don't even know the names, because after this broken dream, I quit ballet. So I was ballet saching a releve piquet across the floor as the prime example, or so I thought. And the instructor said, Do you see how Claire just did it? She looks like Granny Clampett. And that is when my ballet dreams were crushed, and I skipped class on that one. I might have just got like, You completed this class, and that's when I gave up on ballet. I think that was the nicest way somebody could tell me this is not for you. And he did it by saying that I was going to be the model citizen. Well, he didn't really preface the whole demonstration part by saying that, but he did ask me to come forward and show everyone what I was doing, and then he used that as the example of the thing not to do. Safe to say I don't have a future in ballet. I never did. Somebody should have told me that. We're going to get to a very illustrated story of me trying to play basketball. Again, hype dream. Never gonna happen. Genetically not possible. But the podcast, I feel like it's kind of pushed me in the direction that I need to go. It's been hard, it's been a lot of work, but I feel successful even when I feel cringe worthy. And I've used an entire 30 minutes of a podcast to tell you everything and nothing all at the same time, which I've covered in the first two episodes. But again, I'm learning, I'm growing, we're doing the thing. And if nothing else, I hope this encourages you to put down this podcast if you haven't already, and go live out your passion. Even if it's for a little bit, even if it doesn't pay the bills, start somewhere, start today. Now, will I be saying the same thing in two weeks when it's 105 degrees and my brain is melting in Houston, Texas? No. So take this delusional, optimistic attitude and the vibes I'm putting out in the universe, grab a hold of them, encapsulate everything that you can in your personal spring that it's not melting your brain, and go live out those dreams, bear babes. And honestly, maybe this is just the right time to take a side quest. Nothing really happened that I can really remember in the first few years. So I will quickly recap what we've covered in the past episodes. We kind of went over a lineage and the birth story. My dad is on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge with a dog named Claire, and then his dogs were a big dog family. Huge, huge. We love dogs. We also love cats. My first word, I think, was cat, and I really wanted a cat as a tiny baby child. And then my tiny baby child also loves cats, which is kind of unique because my dad hated cats. I think my dad put a cat in the dryer one time, and I don't know if that cat saw beyond that dryer. My mom doesn't remember a GD thing from when I was born, before or after. She's just said I should be an only child and was glad the doctors showed up. So I also did call her on the fly in her defense. But that was my birth story, kind of left a lot to the imagination, huh? And the things that it didn't leave to the imagination, we don't want to talk about again. But one thing I forgot to mention in the last episode is the other names, the alternative names that they were thinking for me, was Elaine or Blair. They must have like had some flair for a Claire or Blair. Sorry, not a rapper, but um Elaine. Wouldn't have that been weird. That doesn't fit with my life. I would probably be a rocket scientist if I was Elaine. I don't know where I would have been or ended up in life if I was named Elaine, but I think it would have been something more elevated as to where I am now. I will also say, guess who else is from Pueblo, Colorado, y'all? Taylor Frankie Paul. Oddly enough, our stories have a lot of similarities. I don't know if that's something to brag about or not, but I am TFP. And if you watch Secret Wives, Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, that's a mouthful, you'll notice like everyone's jealous of her, as they should be. She's the one that brings the most excitement, okay? So as much as people knock Pueblo, we breed resilient, crazy emofos. So shout out to Pueblo. May we love it and hate it and may it be elevated and not have a funeral home that keeps dead bodies, which we'll get to that story down the road. But yeah, TFP for life, Pueblo, Colorado. I think we should have a statue of her right on the river walk, you know? Crazy girls unite. Not that she's crazy. I think she was pushed to crazy, but so was I. I also know that there was a mustard gas near Pueblo at some point. We'll have to fact check this, but it released some sort of gases, and somebody was called with a special government unit to remove those gases. I wonder if those got to our brains. And all the crazy girls from the um 719 have a class action lawsuit waiting to happen. I don't know. Should we start it? Should we not? I don't know. I love Pueblo. Love and hate it. It's a small community, but a big community. Everyone's cousins except me. It's very weird, but I love where I'm from. I don't think I could live there any longer, but I'm proud to say that Taylor Frankie Paul grew up there until she was 15. Now, a lot of Puebloans are mixed reviews on claiming the TFP, but I'm going to because I like her and I think she literally made mom talk what it was with her dances. And nobody would have been interested in mom talk if it didn't have a weird spin of the swinger vibe and all of that. So we love you, Taylor Frankie Paul. Come on the podcast when you're ready to resurface because I'm here and I kind of know what you've been through. So that we can get into some of the juicy stories. I'm gonna fly by the first couple of years because to be honest, I don't remember a whole lot of them. I can tell you what I kind of remember. It's kind of a fever dream, a little fuzzy. Does anybody remember when they got their first memory? I can tell you I got really solid in kindergarten, but before that, it's just a little hits and misses. I have to remind you, my dad is a story embellisher, but he did say at one point he saw an old man ghost over my crib. That could be why I'm insane today. I don't know. I don't know what that old man was doing. There wasn't much more to the story. I think he might have added it in for special effect, but we'll never know because he's on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge. I had a doll named Martana, and the reason why she was named Martana, which I do love that name, if anybody's out there considering girl names or even boy names for that matter, I highly recommend Martana. I think it was because my parents liked to kind of have cocktails and they would have a martini, but I couldn't say martini, so I said Martana. And I had a Martana doll. And I just love that name now. Martana. Come over here, Martana. I had a green blanket that I took with me everywhere. I loved cats. And there was one time that my mom said she was having pizza or spaghetti, some sort of an Italian dish. And so she had the crushed red peppers out, and they were kind of in a plastic container, and she said I couldn't have them. And so I think it was I was three or four, I put my whole entire hand, grabbed a pocket full of red chili peppers, and put them into my mouth. And I never really learned that lesson after that. When somebody told me not to do something, I kind of handled it just as I did those red hot chili peppers. In the years before kindergarten, I also loved wearing slips. Did any of your mom wear slips? Why don't we wear slips anymore? I think we should bring back a slip, but I would put on a slip that probably should have been white or gray, but turned with the laundry. And then those plastic heels. Remember, Fisher Price had those plastic, like high heels? Woo! That was my favorite look. And in the winter, I would wear those scuffed up patent leather shoes that I wore all year round. And again, my family, we had a social worker and a fireman. So we were bawling on a budget. The home that I was brought home to after the hospital is on Palmer Ave in Pueblo, Colorado. And we took my son and my nephew there one time to drive by and show them where we grew up, our first formative years. And my nephew said to me, Why did you grow up in a haunted house? I think it was the color that they chose. Back in the day, it was like a green and white, very cute bohemian vibe. And now it's a little run down. And by a little, I mean a lot, maybe some cars on the front lawn, and it's several shades of brown. So in my nephew's defense, it does look like a haunted house. But many a memories at 1108 Palmer. And you know, in early parenting, you still have a little burst of energy. So my mom had me, and then 18 months later had my sister, and she had built a little hippie community. Um, the babysitter that we had, where we ate bee pollen and goat's cheese and weird yogurts lived around the corner. I would go to daycare there at that house. And then my mom also had some other hippie friends that lived in a mountain town outside of Pueblo. And I think she met them through having me, and this woman was my birth coach. But they had come, they migrated from New Jersey and landed in Pueblo, Colorado, and they had a family and they were close with the babysitter family. And it sounds kind of disjointed as I'm explaining it to you, but the 80s was really great because women built a tribe and the men followed, and it was a really supportive way to raise kids. And so if you're out there following social media and reading the books or whatever, maybe just go out and make a friend. Make a friend that does weird rituals such as goat cheese and going to a goat farm to farm goats. And my best friend, who I talked about, and you heard in the very first part of the episode, her aunt, who was also kind of bizarre, was into the hippie community that my mom had built. So she had moved from California, her and my dad, they really didn't have any family. And so they built a community of friends. And those friends helped raise me. And I think that's where at the very beginning of my life stages, I got used to just going into people's homes and eating their food. That will be a definite theme in my life. I love just making myself at home when somebody says, Oh, make yourself at home. I will get into that kitchen, I will sample everything, every single leftover, I will rate it, I will tell them, I will find a room in that place, and I will make myself at home. So, forewarning, if you ever invite me over, know that I might not leave. Okay. I learned that early on when my family didn't have family nearby. And so we created our own family. And I, again, I went to this daycare and it was more like my home away from home. It was my family. And we did some of the most fun things. I do think we took the, it was kind of like the daycare van, but we piled all in. And it wasn't what you think of a daycare van. It was more in the 80s, you know, those big giant rectangles that now you are scared if you drive up next to somebody will come out the ladder and snipe ya. It was that, but it was brown. I think it had maybe had some mountain tape on the side. It was fabulous. And I do think I put that in reverse at one time, and I brought all of the daycare kids in and pretended that I was a bus driver. This theme of me romanticizing my life and thinking that I should do something that I shouldn't comes up often and it's not always good, but it creates great stories. So if you stick around, we'll have more of those to share. And can I get a little applause sound effect from my own self who's the producer of this show? Absolutely, Claire. Here you go. I'd like to just shout my own self out for not using you know 17,000 times. Now I'll probably go back and edit this and hear it a bunch, but I feel strong that I didn't use as many filler words. But you can comment, like, subscribe, follow, do all of the things, and leave a comment to tell me how much you loved it, how much you hated it, how many you knows I said, and how drunk you were at the end of the episode. Okay, so for real, for real, I know that I teased it at the end of episode two, but now that I've done a flyby version and a TED talk of motivation and happiness and spiritual awareness and positivity, next episode, we're going to dive in to when I start kindergarten. Yep, the formative elementary education years. So get excited. And if you are a teacher or you know a kindergartner or you were once a kindergartner, I think you're gonna want to tune in because this gets exciting, but don't let your future kindergartners listen because you don't want them getting any ideas. So join me next Tuesday. Look at me as a pattern, really committing. I'm so proud. I'm not gonna give myself another applause until I make it to episode five, but we're celebrating at episode five, okay? Once I make it to episode five, I know I did a soft launch, which was kind of lackluster, especially with the amount of work I put into this. But episode five, I'm gonna have to brainstorm on it, but we're doing something. We're gonna make magic. I don't know if it's a theme. I don't know if we're gonna post something online that's like, woo, episode five. That's when we're going to celebrate, when I've made it over the hump. Okay. But I plan to publish every Tuesday. So far, so good. Hold your breath with me. We're in this together. I love your support. And if you're a hater, don't forget I'm probably gonna talk about you every single episode. Listen two or three times. Okay, and as I bid my final adieu for today and see you next time, I do want to just retell you the people that I am giving free sponsorships of Claire Bear to the KH Collective. So go find them on Instagram or on Beyoncé's internet, KHcollective.co. Beauty by Chrysly. Again, that's like Christ with L Y. Go find her on Instagram. It's a link to her website. If you go check out her website, you're gonna notice some beautiful photos of her. The ones in a denim dress and her doing cute things. I took some of those. It's all full circle. And then the Coronation Theater, if you're in Houston, Texas, go check them out. Support them as they embark on a new journey at a new location. And even if you're not in Houston, Texas, you can follow along online and Sarab and the crew post hilarious stuff. So support their journey. And if you ever find yourself in Houston, Texas, be sure to check out the Coronation Theater. So again, thank you so much. Oh, and then Michelle, my podcast advisor, work hearter mama. Go listen to her podcast, and I will try and find the episode that I'm on as the narcissist that I am and put it on the Instagram. So go check that out there. So thank you guys so much for listening along. So here we are, episode three, wrapping up. It was kind of a whirlwind, a little chaotic, but that's okay. Nothing can stop us. We're on the way up. Are you glad I didn't sing that? We've we've got a journey ahead of us. We've got a lot of goals set in front of us. And hopefully, Tim E, if you're out there, can you finish the website, please? That would be great. I'd feel so professional and I could get my merch up. Yay! But we're learning, we're growing, we're building a community. And again, we need an intro song, an outro song, maybe possibly some sponsors, a website, merch. I need to figure out how to record myself and do internet teasers. We do have some goals ahead of us. You know, we're really kind of starting really like almost at the basement level, not even bottom floor. But at least that gives us space to grow. And there's nothing more fun than trying new challenges at middle aged. Am I right? Am I right? So here we are. I again really want to thank you for your support and listening to this episode. If you know somebody with a trust fund or sponsorship dollars, please tell them to listen in and just pay me so that I can get better. We have a lot of goals on the horizon, and we're gonna get there little by little. It might take us another 45 years, but we're gonna go for it. And if nothing else, we're gonna find joy along the way. Am I right? Am I right? And a little special shout out to my bestie that was at the beginning of the podcast, which I really, really want to say her name. It's been on the tip of my tongue for a very long time, but I won't because she's scared she'll get fired if she's associated with this podcast. So you'll just have to actually, can you guys tell me what you think her name should be? What should we call her? Will you post it in the comments or DM me or, you know, figure it out again, the Harry Potter owl. No one's tried it yet, but give that a whirl. It could get to me. Who knows? I do leave my Amazon packages here, you know, every couple days. It just gets overwhelming. And I'm trying to do a podcast. You know, I'm podcast famous, so I do what I can. I do what I can all alone. And with that, Claire Bear is out. A special thanks to our producer, editor, podcast, director, and speaker and host and all of things. Yeah, Claire Bear. Okay, y'all. Episode three in the books, and I'll see you next Tuesday, as long as I don't get a hangnail or something for episode four. Thanks again. I can't wait to learn and grow with you. Love your support and have a great day. Go out there and get bear if it's hot enough. I'm trying with exits and intros. It's it's hard. It's hard. All right. Love y'all.